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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.  ~Lucille Ball



When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.  ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)



A father carries pictures where his money used to be.  ~Author Unknown




Youth is a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children.  ~George Bernard Shaw




Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.  ~Bill Cosby



The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.  ~Jerry M. Wright




When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.  ~Mark Twain



One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters.  ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640

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Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.  ~Don Marquis

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of what we used to do on Cheers,” says Zombieland star Woody Harrelson.

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Jesse Eisenberg (left) and Woody Harrelson battle the undead in 'Zombieland.

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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.  ~Robert Frost
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.  ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Mark Twain but no evidence has yet been found for this (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)
Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.  ~Larry Lorenzoni

Woody Harrelson recently revealed that a Zombieland sequel may not happen in

Zombieland. Woody Harrelson. Posted by Drake at 11:49 AM 0 comments

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Woody Harrelson in Zombieland. And Emma Stone (always and forever known as

Woody Harrelson in Zombieland. Photograph: Glen Wilson/PR

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Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.  ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990